Hermy is the Lword
by Ingy
Summary: updated Harry finds out after a dream, that he must have Hermione. The only problem is that she is with Ron, and Malfoy likes her too. However they become friends, and... What now? Please Read and Review! :) Rated for a lil language..
1. At Ricki Lake

The well-known Ricki Lake music filled the hall. The crowd was clapping and cheering as Ricki said what was going to happen on 'Todays show'.  
  
'Hi, everybody!' said Ricki. The crowd cheered.  
  
'Todays guests are in love with their best friends, and they are going to tell it! Will they be heart broken or happily?'  
  
The crowd cheered again. Then Ricki said;  
  
'Todays first guest says he has known his love for six years, but he hasn't loved her all the time. Today he will tell! Welcome, Harry!'  
  
A tall, lanky boy with untidy hair and glasses walked in, waving to the audience. They cheered, again.  
  
'Hi, Harry!' said Ricki, 'how are you?'  
  
'Hey, Ricki, how's things?' replied Harry coolly.  
  
'I'm fine, but what about you?'  
  
'I'm fine, Ricki.'  
  
'So tell us about this girl!'  
  
'Well, Ricki, I've known her for about six years. I've always been friends with her, since I and my friend Ron, saved her from a troll.'  
  
'That sounds heroic!'  
  
'Well, actually, we locked the door,' said Harry, and a massive 'BOOOOOOO' came out from the audience,  
  
'But we didn't know she was in there, so.and then we saved her.'  
  
'But you've never actually been in love with her.'  
  
'No, well, for some years now.'  
  
'So when did you realize you were in love with her, then?'  
  
'Well, Ricki, it was in my 4th year, and she started to look like a woman instead of a rabbit.'  
  
'That sounds romantic!' joked Ricki, 'are you ready to tell her, then?'  
  
'Yes, I am, Ricki.'  
  
'That's good! Come in, Hermione!'  
  
A pretty girl with brown, wavy hair walked in. The audience cheered, and she walked to Harry and gave him a hug.  
  
'Hi, Hermione!' said Ricki and grinned.  
  
'Hi, Ricki,' said Hermione, and grinned as well.  
  
'Do you have a clue of why you're here?' asked Ricki.  
  
'No, not at all, Ricki,' said Hermione and smiled nervously.  
  
'Well, Harry has something he wants to tell you,' said Ricki and smiled her shiny white smile.  
  
'Really?'  
  
Harry started to talk;  
  
''Mione,' he said, 'we've been best friends for so many years.'  
  
'Yes.' said Hermione, looking clueless.  
  
'But lately - ' he continued,  
  
'Not lately!' exclaimed Ricky cheerfully, 'for the last couple of years!'  
  
'Okay.' Harry scowled at Ricki. 'I've been having these feelings for you.'  
  
'What?' said Hermione.  
  
'Yeah,' said Harry dreamily.  
  
'But - ' said Hermione, taken aback.  
  
Ding - dong! Suddenly there was a well known sound. The audience were 'OOOOOOing and OOOOHing as a red-head boy walked in. He was even taller and lankier than Harry.  
  
'Ron!' said Harry. First Ron hugged Harry, and then he kissed Hermione.  
  
'Uh, oh!' said Ricki, and the crowd cheered along. Harry was standing there, gaping. Ron sat down, and took Hermione's hand, and they were sitting there, smiling at each other.  
  
'But,' started Harry, cluelessly.  
  
'Um, Harry,' said Hermione, 'I haven't been completely honest with you.'  
  
Harry just gaped at them.  
  
'You see, I love Ron.'  
  
'What?' said Harry suddenly. 'You love Ron?'  
  
'Yeah,' said Hermione and gazed at Ron. 'I'm so sorry.'  
  
Harry swallowed. He felt terrible. Then Ricki started to talk again.  
  
'But, Harry, isn't there anyone who would like to know that you love Hermione?'  
  
Harry blushed.  
  
'Well, maybe my girlfriend, Ginny.'  
  
The crowd BOOOOOOOed at him. He looked down.  
  
'Do you still want to be with her, now that you can't have Hermione?'  
  
'No, Ricki, I'll always love Hermione.'  
  
'Well, maybe you need to tell her then! Come out, Ginny!'  
  
The audience cheered as a cute red head girl with large brown eyes and freckles walked in. She sat down next to Harry.  
  
'Hi, Ginny!' said Ricki cheerfully. 'Do you know why you're here?'  
  
Ginny shook her head. 'Well, I might have a clue, though,' she said.  
  
Ricki raised her eyebrows. 'You have?' she said in amazement.  
  
'I think he's gonna ask me to marry him!' said Ginny happliy.  
  
'Well, you'll just have to see,' said Ricki. Then she nodded to Harry.  
  
'Well, Ginny, you know we've been a couple for two years now.'  
  
'Yes?' said Ginny, her eyes sparkling, 'but there's something I have to tell you.'  
  
Ginny looked excitedly at him. 'And?'  
  
'Well, I love someone else.'  
  
'What?' exclaimed Ginny and started to cry. 'Why?'  
  
'I love Hermione,' said Harry, blinking.  
  
'But she's with Ron! What's wrong with me? What? What!?' Tears flowed down Ginny's freckly cheeks, down from her brown eyes. She wiped them away.  
  
'What's wrong with me?' she managed to say.  
  
'Well, first of all, I'll start with that you don't cut your toenails.'  
  
'You said you didn't care! I thought you loved me!' sobbed Ginny, wiping away big fat tears. 'I thought you loved me.'  
  
Ricki turned to the cameras.  
  
'Soon we'll have to deal with a girl who finds out she's in love with her best friend, and she's gonna tell today. But first, we'll have a break.' 


	2. The wicked friendship

He found he was sweating, the sheet was all wet. He swallowed. It all seemed so "real". Even the Ginny-not-cutting-her-toenails-part. He groaned in the darkness, and saw his best friend, Ron, snore in the bed next to him. Ron and Hermione. They had started to go out in Harry's 5th year. Now he was in 7th year. It was Harry, who had nagged Ron into all this. Before he fell in love with her. Now he regretted every minute. He took on his glasses, yawned, and went down to the common room. The large clock over the fireplace showed 04. am. He sighed, and sat down in the sofa, trying to remember the dream. He was in love with Hermione Granger, no doubt about that. But when his best friend dated her. He wouldn't risk losing his two best friends. Then, he fell asleep.  
  
'Harry, wake up!' It was Ginny Weasly, Ron's little sister waking him up. Why,  -why-, did she still have a crush on him. He blinked, and looked up in her brown eyes.  
  
'Why?' he moaned grumpily.  
  
'Because it's morning!' said Ginny, rolling her eyes.  
  
'F'course it is,' said Harry, shoving her away, and went down for breakfast.  
  
Of course, Ron and Hermione was sitting at the table when Harry came down. Ron wanted to write over Hermione's transfiguration homework, but she refused, as always. Harry thought of his weird dream again, the one with the Ricki Lake show. He'd known about it for a long time, since the TV was Dudley's closest friend, and Harry was bored in the summer holidays. And why would he dream about a bad Tvshow anyway? He punched away the thought with an inner arm, and sat down next to them.  
  
'Hi, Harry,' said Hermione calmly, 'Ginny said you were sleeping in the sofa. How come?'  
  
'I couldn't sleep,' said Harry. It wasn't all lie. What would he say then? "I dreamt about me, revealing my love for you at a Ricki Lake show. Then it appeared that you loved Ron. Then Ginny was suddenly my girlfriend who didn't cut her toenails. Then I went down to the common room, because my sheets were all sweaty. Then I fell asleep in the sofa."?  
  
He forced a smile to them, the –lovers,- and then went to the library.  
  
'Harry, aren't you eating?' said Hermione.  
  
'Not hungry!' said Harry, and ran all the way to the library.  
  
'Watch where you're going!' He knew this voice.  
  
'Malfoy!' he said, 'what are you doing here?'  
  
Malfoy just scowled at him. He clutched on a book, but Harry snapped it.  
  
'Houndred Love Potions,' read Harry from the book, 'how to make your love love you.' He laughed heartily,  
  
'Now, who's the 'lucky' girl then Malfoy?' he said, grinning widely, teasingly.  
  
'None of your business, Potter!' sneared Malfoy, snapping the book back, but then a piece of parchment fell out. Harry looked at it. There was a poem on it. He read it out loud;  
  
_"Oh, Hermione, I wish you were mine _

_Everything with you is more than fine, _

_You are my soul, you are my heart, _

_If you don't love me, I'll fall apart."_  
  
'You like -Hermione?-' said Harry in disbelief.  
  
'If you tell anyone, I'll kill you!' said Malfoy, blushing.  
  
'Draco Malfoy, attacked by LOVE!' squealed Harry, teasing Malfoy.  
  
'Shh, keep it quiet!' he said, pulling his robes.  
  
'Malfoy loves a MUGGLE BORN girl!'  
  
'Shut UP!'  
  
'Hermy and Malfoy sitting in a tree -'  
  
'Listen,' said Malfoy, dragging Harry out, 'if you tell anyone, I'll kill you. Seriously.'  
  
Harry swallowed.  
  
'I guess it's okay, then,' he said, 'cause I'm in love with her too.'  
  
"Okay, rule number one,"  thought Harry to himself, "If you like a girl, Malfoy must be the last to know." But of course, he'd told him. How else? Ron? He loved her as well, and they were dating, and it was Harry who had set the whole thing up. However, Malfoy didn't tease him.  
  
'You do? But I thought you liked the Weasel's lil' sister.'  
  
Harry forgot to be mad at Malfoy for calling Ron 'the Weasel,' because he was already mad at Ron. Although, it wasn't Ron's fault. Yeah. That's the best. Blame some one else. Then you'll feel so good afterwards!  
  
'She's all right, but I've heard she doesn't cut her toenails.'  
  
Malfoy chuckled heartily.  
  
'That's disgusting!' he exclaimed.  
  
'Well, I don't know if it's true, though.'  
  
'Well, then you have something to find out, then, Harry.'  
  
Harry noticed Malfoy had called him Harry, and not Potter, or Pothead or something like that.  
  
'I s'pose I have, then,' he said.  
  
Malfoy was grinning widely. He wiped away some tears in his eyes. Then he said, still grinning,  
  
'What do you say, let's go play quidditch.'  
  
'Sure, okay,' said Harry.  
  



	3. The Bet

I don't own Harry Potter. That's probably good, because if I owned him I wouldn't sell any books...

~*~

Harry and Draco got along really well. After all, they had one, no, two things in common; they loved quidditch and Hermione. And they hated Ron, now that he was with Hermione. Soon they became best friends. Ginny was worried:

"Harry, I don't think you should hang out with this _Malfoy_, I've heard pretty bad things about him," she explained to him.

Harry just stared blankly at her. "You don't understand anything!" he exclaimed, then he started to cry and stormed out of the room. He decided to go to the library, where he met, Draco of course.

"Hey, Harry," he said. "Have you been crying?"

"Ginny was making me insane with all her questions," said Harry, completely forgetting that Ginny hadn't been asking him any questions at all.

"I understand," said Draco looking very understanding. Harry sniffed. "Awww." Draco stroke Harry's hair. Harry smiled and was happy again. Draco surely was a good friend. 

"Soooo.... what's new about Hermione?" asked Draco, looking very interested. 

"She's with Ron. Of course. What else? WHAT ELSE!?" screamed Harry, obviously very frustrated about this. Madame Pince rushed over to them. 

"What are you two boys think you're doing?" she exclaimed angrily. "Now get out. Out. OUT!" She forgot that it was a library and you were supposed to be quiet.

"Let's go to the courtyard," Harry suggested. 

While sitting at one of the benches in the courtyard, Harry and Draco saw Ron and Hermione walking together, holding hand. Harry sighed. Draco glared at them.

"So," said Draco. "When I get together with Hermione- "

"Oy! Who said _you're going to get with her!?" Harry exclaimed._

"Well... let's see. I have blond hair and I am pretty," said Draco. "You wear glasses. You're a nerd. (A/N: I wear glasses too... I'm not making fun of them) All nerds wear glasses."

"I am NOT!" 

"You are."

"Hermione would never go out with you, though," Harry explained. "She thinks you're evil, mean... evil... and mean... and can't forget... evil!"

Draco went rather mad at this. It was not true! Though he had to admit Harry did have a point. 

"Fine," he said. "Let's make a bet then."

"A bet?" said Harry. 

"Mhm."

"Okay!" Harry said. "If _I _get Hermione, you have to give me... your team's broomsticks. And I get Hermione too."

Draco's pale eyebrows went invisible, Harry wondered if they got stuck in his hair. But soon they fell down again.

"Alright," Draco said. "And if I win.. I get Hermione, plus your Firebolt."

"No WAY!" said Harry. "I'd rather give you a hundred Galleons."

"I want your Firebolt," Draco demanded.

"But..."

"I thought you loved her!"

"But I love my Firebolt too!" said Harry, trying to explain it to Draco. Best friends could be so annoying sometimes. 

Draco shrugged. "Then I'll just go and tell Hermione your deepest secrets..."

Harry was confused. "You don't even _know _my secrets!" 

"It was just a threat okay?" said Draco and rolled his eyes.

"Fine. You get Hermione, you get my Firebolt. I get Hermione, I get your team's broomsticks... oh, and, plus all those poems you've been writing."

"My poems," squeaked Draco.

"That's right."

"Alright, fine."

"Deal?"

"Deal..."

They shook hands. They had a deal.


	4. Girl Hunting

Harry Potter is not mine *cries*

~*~

Draco wouldn't really mind losing his team's brooms; after all, only one of the seven was his own. But he knew he _would _mind losing his book with poems, most of them were dedicated to Hermione. It had only been the last time Draco spent time writing poems, well, except from those hate-poems dedicated to Harry in his first year. He really didn't want Harry to see them. That's why he decided to win this bet. He just had to make Ron fall in love with another girl, and then he would be Mr Comfort. Didn't seem too hard. So he went girl-hunting in lunchbreak. The first girl he found was Lavender Brown with Seamus Finnigan stuck to her arm. They looked like they were in a very deep conversation, but Draco, being the evil boy he was, did of course not care.

"Brown!" he said and glued a big, toothy grin on his face.

Lavender took her eyes away from Seamus's and looked at Draco. "Malfoy.." she didn't look very happy to see him there. She had, after all heard many things about this Malfoy, and not all of them were good. 

"Listen, will you do me a favour?" Draco tried to make his small, grey eyes look like begging puppydog eyes. 

"What is it?" Lavender looked suspiciously at Draco. She wasn't sure about this. Her dog had brown eyes, so she really didn't fall for Draco's trick.

"Fall in love with Ron. Please? For me." Draco's smile widened, but it didn't suit his face. It made him look very cheeky.

"Ron?" Lavender started to giggle; "Did you see him at the Yule Ball in our fourth year; he wore maroon robes. _Maroon_! That was _so 1890!" She laughed and squeezed Seamus's hand, who tried his best not to look like he was in deep pain._

"Yeah. 1890," said Draco, starting to get a little annoyed. When, when was she going to answer his question? He decided to ask himself, before Lavender died from laughter cramps and he was blamed. "Will you answer my question then, Brown?" he said, trying to look like he wouldn't start shaking her in any minute, forcing her to do it, whether she liked it or not.

"Oh that," Lavender rolled her eyes. "Well, I kind of am with Semmy-kins, here," she said softly and looked lovingly at her boyfriend.

If Draco wasn't annoyed at Lavender for not helping him, he would've been amused by the fact that she said 'Semmy-kins'. But he wasn't. Instead he went to find other people. "Fine," he said and walked away.

Draco continued the searching. _Why does this have to be so hard? _he thought. _I mean, Ron isn't _that _bad. Well... who am I kidding. He _is. _This'll take me a long time. _He sighed. But he DID want Hermione, and he DID want Harry's Firebolt (he wanted that _really _bad, it was after all the best broom there was). And he didn't want Harry to get his book of poems with bad rhymes (which he didn't think were that bad by the way). He kept thinking about this while he was walking, and didn't look where he was going. Suddenly, he bumped into someone.

"Watch out!" Oh, it was only Ginny. Draco looked at her with disgust. 

"You watch out. I _was walking here you know," Draco said angrily. Ginny just stared at him. Then she shrugged and started to walk away._

"_Girls!" Draco muttered under his breath while he watched the red-head walk away. Then, before he could stop thinking (and he didn't stop for thinking much), he called out after her: "Oy Weasley, won't you fall in love with Weasley for me?" But when Ginny just stared at him again, he found out she wouldn't do it for him. Probably because he was a Malfoy. And it had sounded so much better in his thoughts._

At dinner-time, Draco still hadn't made any progress in finding a girl who was willing to fall in love with Ron. He plopped down on an empty seat, next to a Slytherin girl we never hear anything about; Blaise Zabini. She was trying to get some food on her fork, but was missing. Blaise wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she sure was pretty. She was single now, though, and Draco got an ide – 

"Hello, Malfoy," Blaise said, gazing somewhere. Draco tried to follow her eyes.

"Zabini." Malfoy nodded, and tried to follow her gaze. It ended somewhere at the Gryffindor table.

"Who're you looking at?" Draco demanded to know.

Blaise's cheeks went redder than the Weasleys' hair, which stood in contrast with her white hair. "No-one," she said quickly and hid behind the mug of pumpkin juice.

"Is it Longbottom?" said Draco. 

"WHAT? Ewww, no. He's so, _unpopular,_" said Blaise. Draco was surprised that she knew a word that long. He raised his eyebrows.

"Harry?" he said.

"Yeah, right, Potter. Friend with the mudbloods and umm... something I can't remember right now." Blaise rolled her eyes.

"Um yeah, the mudbloods," Draco said and coughed. His cheeks went a shade of pink.

"Yeah haha," said Blaise. "It's not like us in Slytherin has a crush on a mudblood."

"No, no, of course not. Then who is it?"

Blaise leaned forward to Draco's ear. "If you tell anyone, you're dead." She pierced him with her blue eyes. 

"Yeah. Of course. Dead." Draco nodded. Blaise placed her lips at Draco's ear;

"It's Weasley."

"Please tell me it's Ron and not that little sister of his," Draco said. He hoped it was Ron, but if it was Ginny it could also be interesting.

"Of course it's Ron," Blaise hissed. 

"I think..." Draco left the sentence in the air – "I think you should try with Ron. He looks like that kind of guy to fall for a cheap chick like you."

"You really think so?" Blaise was flattered. "But isn't he with this mud-blood?" she said and glared at Ron having a steady arm around Hermione's shoulder.

"Well, it's your job to break them up," Draco said, sounding very important. "You are good at that."

"Oh, stop it." Blaise blushed. Draco was such a gentleman; giving her compliments all the time. "But yeah, I can admit, I'm quite good at that." She smiled broadly, Draco smiled in return. 

"Don't disappoint me," he whispered to her. Then he left the table, while Blaise's eyes were fixed at Ron and Hermione. Oh, that beautiful red hair... those gorgeous brown eyes. She assumed they were brown, since she had never been that close to him before... The freckles – well, she could always do something with the freckles when she had got the power over him. 

"I won't," she said. But then Draco already was far away.

I hopes you like... please review! =)


	5. Patil Plans

I do not own Harry Potter or any JK Rowling material.

Harry had been thinking alot lately – or more thinking than he usually did. In Potions, he never thought. He didn't think much in History of Magic either. But anyways, to get to the point, and the point was that Harry wanted Hermione. But she was with Ron. It sounded pretty much complicated, but what was more complicated, Malfoy wanted Hermione too, and Harry had bet his Firebolt on this... He would not lose this bet. He loved Hermione dearly, but he could never love anyone (or any_thing_) more than he loved his Firebolt. Besides, Hermione thought his Firebolt was hexed, so he trusted his Firebolt more than her too. 

But. He still was very much in love with her. And he still wanted her. And it is here the not-thinking-very-much-in-History-of-Magic comes in. He had no idea on what to write for his new essay, because he hadn't paid attention when Professor Binns read about it with his sandpaper-voice in front of the class. And if anyone had a large enough hobby to listen to something as boring as that, it was Hermione. She hadn't even looked at Ron during the class (Harry had of course noticed _that), just stared at Professor Binns and took notes without even look at the parchment. Harry thought that her handwriting was pretty bad since she hadn't looked at the parchment, but it was as perfect as usual. He found out this because he was looking through her stuff. Actually he was looking for personal things, because Hermione's birthday had just been recently, and Harry wanted to get her something. And when he was snooping through her stuff, it couldn't hurt to look at her History of Magic notes as well?_

"What _are you doing here?" he suddenly heard a voice say. Harry turned around quickly. Oh, it was Parvati._

"I'm going through Hermione's stuff," Harry replied while he busily copied down her notes. 

"Okay then," Parvati said, and then she found a piece of parchment and started copying down her notes as well. Parvati had obviously not paid attention to History of Magic either.

Then Harry got a crazy idea. "You wanna fall in love with Ron for me?" he said. Parvati stared at him as if he was out of his mind. Then she shook her head and said;

"I'm sorry Harry... I'm doing that for Dean Thomas... but my sister Padma might – you know, in Ravenclaw. I'll ask her if you like."

"Great!" Harry said, hoping that Padma Patil's nose was still on its right place. Parvati smiled at him, then Harry realised he was in the Girl's dorms and it was actually impossible for him to be there... then he got to think of that he was The Boy Who Lived and everything was possible for him. Even getting Hermione.

"Right, I'm off. Thanks Parvati. Let me know about Padma, will you?" he said as he headed out of the Girls' Dorms.

"Alrighty then," Parvati said and waved at him.

As Harry walked out of the Gryffindor common room, he was in a very good mood. He hummed on a song by a muggle group called the Beatles as he walked towards... somewhere. He wasn't sure where he was going, but he was probably going to find Draco. 

         "She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah," sang Harry cheerfully. 

         "Just what I was hoping." Harry felt someone placing a hand on his shoulder. It was Draco of course. He looked very pleased, a smile was dancing on his face.

         "It's a muggle song Draco," Harry said through gritted teeth. "Hermione likes them."

         "Oh really?" Draco said, showing great interest.

         _Damn it! Harry thought. He needed an idea... a good idea. Then he of course got the greatest idea. "Yeah. She's called Britney Spears. Hermione wants to be just like her; she's her role model," he said, sounding extremely convincing. _

         "Really?" Draco said again. "Well thanks Harry; you're a really good friend. Thanks for telling me all this." He clapped Harry on his shoulder and ran off.

         "Hey," Harry called after him; "that's what I do!"

**Author's note: **a little short chappy... hope you don't mind! Please review! 


End file.
